AT THE CORE OF IT

HOW OUR CORE BELIEFS IMPACT OUR LIVES

Written by Anna Collette, LPCC-S

“The greatest sources of our suffering are the lies we tell ourselves.” -Elvin Semrad

The word “trigger” has become a buzzword of sorts, but it basically refers to experiencing an intense negative feeling brought on by an experience that reminds you of a past event. This could be a conscious or unconscious reminder. For example, when the slightly annoyed tone your spouse used with you when you made a mistake caused you to completely snap and lose it. This pattern often repeats itself in your interactions, and neither of you are sure why, and when you step back you’re able to see you were overreacting. If you dig a little deeper, you’re able to recognize that you were feeling incompetent, and with even more digging you’re able to root out the belief, “I’m stupid.” When you trace this thought pattern all the way back, you realize you felt this way a lot growing up following an experience of being treated that way by a teacher when you were young.

If someone pokes your arm you won’t have a big reaction, but if there’s an open wound on your arm that someone touches, then even a light touch can bring about an intense response.

And here is where I introduce the term “core belief.” Basically, “Core beliefs are deeply held beliefs that inform how people see themselves and the world.” 1 This concept is used in various modalities of counseling treatment, from CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) to trauma treatments like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing). Because God wired us in such a way to have memory, in this way, all of the “younger versions” of ourselves continue to live in us. At times, in moments of acute pain a disturbing belief can creep in- about ourselves, the world around us, etc. We can certainly have positive core beliefs that allow us to thrive and help us to be resilient in the face of challenges; in this article, we’ll be dealing with the fallout from negative core beliefs and the havoc they can wreak.

HOW DO CORE BELIEFS DEVELOP?

Children are very perceptive and are very skilled at intaking information (like little sponges), but they’re not always good interpreters of that information. There’s also the developmentally normal egocentric nature of being young that can impact their interpretation of an experience (it’s a normal part of brain development for a child to believe the world revolves around them and they are much more powerful than they really are). For example, a 5-year-old girl’s dad leaves his family. She intakes all the pain, rejection, and isolation that brings the family, but her brain is not developed enough to make the connection that it could not have possibly been about her. Thus, she develops the belief, “It’s all my fault.” Cut to the same girl when she’s dumped by her boyfriend as a teenager; that belief has become a lens that colors her experiences, so she again goes to, “It’s all my fault.” Unless we are told differently by someone we trust as a child, that negative cognition can start to take root and can be a default setting for us as we grow up. As Bessel Van Der Kolk puts it in “The Body Keeps the Score” when addressing the power of our thoughts on the brain: “…neurons that fire together wire together. When a circuit fires repeatedly, it can become a default setting- the response most likely to occur.”

Core beliefs can be from “small” events (you felt humiliated in 1^st grade after tripping in front of the class and everyone laughing- which could be experienced as a big deal to a 6-year-old brain!), or “large” events (being a victim of abuse or being in an intense car accident). They can develop from a single event or can be the result of ongoing experiences or trauma. They can form when you are the one the experience is directly happening to, or even from witnessing something that happens to someone else. They can come from being hurt or wounded by someone (something negative someone did to you or something you didn’t get from someone you needed it from- like affection from a parent), or from events like a natural disaster or accident that left you feeling out of control. The younger you are at the conception of a core belief, usually the more deeply rooted it is.

COMMON CORE BELIEFS:

Though not exhaustive, here are some common categories and examples of core beliefs:

• Self-defectiveness (Ex: “I’m worthless,” “I’m unlovable,” “I’m not good enough,” “I’m defective”)
• Responsibility (Ex: “I should have done something,” “It’s all/always my fault”)
• Safety or Vulnerability (Ex: “I’m not safe,” “I can’t trust anyone”)
• Control or Choice (Ex: “I’m powerless,” “I’m helpless”)

A negative core belief can be aggravated by a big move or change in vocation. You used to be so competent in your home country and could get a million things done in a day. Now, you’re completely exhausted after a trip navigating the grocery store in another language. That old nagging belief, “I’m not good enough,” that you could quiet when you were back home with a good, productive day in the office has now come roaring back to life, with feelings of shame and despair with it. Maybe trying to connect with your coworkers, teammates, or neighbors now has felt challenging or awkward and you often find yourself feeling lonely or left out, so “I’m unlovable” begins creeping in. Or you feel a sense of overwhelm when you have to travel to a certain part of your new city that continues to feel so gratingly different than what you’re used to, that you find yourself paralyzed with “I’m helpless.” Maybe your TCK teen is struggling with feeling like they don’t fit in either in their home or host culture, so they begin to express believing there’s something wrong with them, like they’re “defective” in some way.

From a spiritual warfare perspective it makes sense doesn’t it? That the enemy, the “father of lies,” would like to sneak these beliefs into our experiences and our view of our identity and place in the world. He wants to chip away, either in big chunks or in small ongoing experiences- at our sense of worth, dignity, belonging, and security.

SO WHAT DO WE DO?

The truth is, we are not doomed to operate out of these beliefs forever if we are intentional about our healing.

• RENEW YOUR MIND: Replace the lie with something that is more true. Sometimes if we tell ourselves the truth enough, and choose to act as if it’s true (even if at first we really don’t believe it), eventually our feelings can catch up to our thinking. This is a testament to the neuroplasticity of the brain, which is the brain’s ability to change itself/rewire with practice and repetition. Maybe in the past it’s true that you weren’t safe- but are you safe now? Did you survive? Maybe it’s true there are some people in your life you shouldn’t trust because they genuinely aren’t trustworthy, but are there some people in your life you do have sufficient reason to trust? Thus, “I can’t trust anyone,” becomes, “I can trust some people.” Our thoughts are powerful change agents. 

“The discovery that the human brain can change its own structure and function with thought and experience, turning on its own genes to change its circuitry, reorganize itself and change its operation, is the most important alteration of our understanding of the brain in four hundred years.”- Norman Doidge

• WALK AROUND THE “PUDDLE: If you’re walking down the sidewalk and become aware there’s a dirty mud puddle in front of you on the path- what are your options? You can walk through it and have soggy feet the rest of the day, or you can choose to walk around it. Sometimes the best we can do in a moment is recognize what’s going on: “Ugh, that old belief again.” Awareness is key, and literally “catching” the belief when it rears its ugly head is a huge step in and of itself. Then we get to decide what to do with it. We could wallow in it, let it take us down a bunch of nasty rabbit holes that will leave us feeling even worse- but aren’t you tired of doing that? Instead, if you can relate to it as “oh, that again, I don’t have time for this,” roll your eyes, and do something else. Get back to what you were doing, call a friend, or go for a run. As silly as it sounds, you could even give this belief a name or imagine it as a character you can visualize kicking out the window or door. This is called externalizing, and it can be very helpful for compartmentalizing and moving forwards. As we do this, these beliefs can lose their power over us.

• EXPERIENTIAL HEALING: Sometimes a lie is so deeply ingrained, that no amount of cognitive “knowing” what is true will undue the fallout. We sense this dynamic in our relationship with Christ. Knowing concepts about Jesus pales in comparison to having an experience with him that actually transforms us. If you feel stuck in a core belief, this is where experiential interventions are really important to break through the patterns in your mind that need more than cognitive concepts or talk therapy. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing), Formational Prayer, or Somatic Experiencing are just a few modalities among others that can be very helpful. God has made us as multifaceted creatures. It’s not just our cognition that is engaged in our experiences- our bodies go through them, and we experience them emotionally. That’s why engaging the whole person in working through past woundings is so pivotal to healing.

This is brave work and can certainly bring with it many layers of pain to be worked through. If exploring what core beliefs you have leads to distress or strikes a chord, it could be a sign that seeking help through counseling could be beneficial.

“There are many of us that have inside of us children of the past that are still hurting. It is one of the most difficult journeys we will make to find those lost parts of ourselves and let Jesus meet us there, heal us there, and then integrate that part of who we are back into ourselves.”- Terry Wardle

SOME QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF:

• Are there any current situations where I often find myself triggered or overreacting? Has being on the field aggravated any core beliefs I thought I had dealt with in the past?
• Are there any situations coming up where it could be helpful to proactively be aware of or look out for “puddles” that may come up? What will my plan be to “walk around the puddle” if I’m triggered so I can more fully engage and be present?
• What has it cost me to live out of my negative core beliefs?
• What are some creative ways I can immerse myself in what is true about me, my identity, and my place in the world? What would change in my life if I am able to live out of that truth instead of old negative beliefs? 
• Who is a supportive person I can confide in about any core beliefs that trip me up? Sometimes just naming them out loud can decrease their power.

SOURCE:

1. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/core-beliefs