Trauma Doesn’t Affect Us All the Same
by Amber Goodloe, LPC
“Trauma is not what happens to you, but what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you.” — Dr. Gabor Maté
Last month’s article beautifully explained this quote; we may all go through traumatic experiences, but we will not all be traumatized by them, or we may experience a traumatic reaction to something we might not expect to experience as traumatic. This month we’re diving more into the specific types of experiences that can cause different levels of traumatic reactions, learning how to recognize their impact on us, and knowing when to seek help.
Quiz: Which of the following could be classified as traumatic?
1 – A natural disaster (earthquake, flood, fire, etc)
2 – A home invasion / robbery
3 – Car problems
4 – Being shamed or bullied at school or work
5 – Harassment or assault
6 – Divorce (your own or your parents’)
7 – Evacuation
8 – Being reprimanded by a teacher
9 – Hospitalization
10 – Death of a pet
Answer: All of the above!
(But– none of these automatically cause a traumatic reaction)
BIG T AND LITTLE t TRAUMAS
You may be looking at that list and easily seeing how these things can potentially be traumatizing (and may be reflecting on your own experiences), or you may look at it with confusion thinking “Heck, I’ve been through most of that, and I’m not traumatized.” When we hear the word “trauma” many of us we think of major events such as war, disaster, assault, etc. And in many of our contexts these experiences can be all too common, and unfortunately sometimes minimized because of this. I have often found myself saying to a client “Do you recognize that that is not a standard experience in other contexts?”
A vivid example of this was a client who had seen people in their community killed on a weekly basis in a horrific manner, but because it was so frequent her brain had started to ignore the impact of this in order to survive. Part of our work in counseling was going back to process her initial reactions to seeing this violence and giving the opportunity to process her horror. However, obvious events like these aren’t the only forms of trauma we can experience; in counseling we often talk about “big T traumas” and “little t traumas” and this is not intended to minimize any experience, but rather to distinguish types of trauma. A helpful explanation I heard was that “big T traumas” are extraordinary, often life threatening, and have a more immediate impact on a person, while “little t traumas” are more common experiences and the impact may be more cumulative over time.
Just this week I’ve been reading a paper that Global Trellis put out on sexual harassment, abuse, and assault on the field and how common of an experience this is. Reading it felt like a reminder of how many cross-cultural workers have been exposed to experiences that may have been traumatic. And it might be easy to assume “oh of course sexual harassment and assault are traumatic” but it’s also easy for us to minimize our experiences as “not that bad” and therefore ignore our body’s response to an event and our need for healing.
But what actually happened is often not the crux of the conversation – what we need to learn to listen for and pay attention to is how our brains and bodies respond to our experiences. This is what informs us of how we’ve been impacted. Let’s take hospitalization as an example. This could be a simple, mildly unpleasant experience in which we go in for a routine surgery, everything goes smoothly, and we’re discharged to recover. Our brains can process and put this aside into our memories. However, maybe we’re traveling and we go in for something we expect to be a minor issue, and we’re immediately rushed into a lifesaving surgery and in the ICU for weeks of recovery in an unfamiliar country and are separated from family and community leaving us feeling isolated and alone. Even in the second scenario one person might come out saying “wow that was awful but I’m so glad I’m ok” and another might say “that was so traumatic – I can’t stop thinking about the look on the doctor’s face when she read my scan – my heart races every time I think about being back in that emergency room.” One person’s brain had the space and capacity to process and make meaning out of it, the other’s was likely flooded and overwhelmed and unable to fully process what happened.
Or take the example of being reprimanded by a teacher. Almost all of us, I’d bet, have gotten in trouble at least once during our school years. So what makes this traumatic for some and normal, maybe even funny, for others? Or how can two people experience the same event and have vastly different reactions? Some of the answer lies in how we experience it and what our personal history is with other traumatic experiences. Feelings of shame, helplessness, or a perceived threat to our safety can all contribute to a feeling of trauma. If, in the hospital, one person had language and the ability to speak with doctors and know what was going on, and the other only got limited information and had little control over the situation, their reactions would be different. Additionally, when we have already been through traumatic experiences, our brains might be on high alert for additional threats, and therefore go into overdrive more quickly in each new situation. Additional factors that can contribute to a higher impact by traumatic events include:
- Lack of support system / community
- Current or history of depression or anxiety
- Prior experiences of grief and loss
- Being in a season of increased stress
- Being in transition
- Current medical challenges
- …and others
SYMPTOMS TO LOOK FOR
So how do we classify our experiences, and learn to assess how we’re responding to an event? Our first check-in should be with our body and our thoughts. Some common post-traumatic responses include:
- Flashbacks of the events
- Nightmares
- Hypervigilance
- Sleep disruptions
- Difficulty concentrating
- Feeling numb or detached
- Increased cynicism
- Avoidance of places or certain types of people
- Fatigue
- Physical tension
- Low self-esteem
- Anxiety
- Self-doubt
- Unable to complete simple tasks
- Freeze response set off by safe sights and sounds
- Suicidal ideation
- …and others
For some, experiencing these types of reactions can be normal and even expected the first few days and weeks, maybe even months, depending on the event. These reactions may resolve themselves over time, or stay the same and even increase. On the other hand, when a person feels only ‘numb’ after a traumatic experience, the brain may be operating in a self-protective state to manage the immediate impact. Navigating this requires a safe space and a trusted person to help bridge the gap between self-protection and emotional recovery.
HOW OUR FAITH & SPIRITUALITY ARE AFFECTED
We also should address how trauma affects our faith or spiritual beliefs. Our hope would be that we have a strong theology of suffering and are able to process, lament, and be present with God after something traumatic. But that’s not always possible. These experiences may cause us to question our faith, doubt in God, or sink into deep confusion about how such terrible things can happen in the world, let alone us.
In the book “Trauma & Resilience” by Schaefer and Schafer, there is a story of a woman named Ann Hamel who said, “Prior to this (traumatic experience) I did not believe that a Christian would ever become suicidal. I believed that trust in Christ would be adequate protection against that level of despair. What I didn’t realize was the potential for pain to block one’s awareness of the presence of God… The spiritual crisis I was in was every bit as serious and debilitating as the emotional crisis.” We need to create space in ourselves and in our community for this to be a normal, acceptable part of the process. Our brains and hearts need space to name and then integrate the emotional, physical, and spiritual reactions we have to trauma.
A NOTE ON KIDS AND ADOLESCENTS
Many of you reading this have children who experience trauma alongside you. And while there is truth to “kids are resilient,” it’s vital that parents also create space for children and teens to name and process their reactions to an event. In order to do this, they need adults to intentionally provide an avenue for sharing, whether with a parent, mentor, or a counselor. Some behaviors to pay attention to are:
- Bedwetting (new or recurrence)
- Anxious attachment / clingy
- Aggression / irritability
- Behavioral regression
- Sadness
- Avoidance behaviors
- Interpersonal problems
- Grades slipping
- Dropping out of activities
- Change in clothing
- Sleep problems
- Somatic issues (headaches, stomachaches, etc)
- Questioning of faith
Many kids and teens will not openly share about how they are doing, and they may appear fine on the surface (also applicable to adults). After a significant or series of difficult events, please do not assume this is true, just because you don’t see evidence of struggling. It’s important with kids, and with ourselves and each other, to not assume we know what was traumatic and what wasn’t, or what the worst part of the trauma was. Each of us is unique, and our brains react uniquely to events, therefore it’s important to allow kids (and ourselves) to name what their experience was and not assume we know, which also includes minimizing or telling them what was or wasn’t traumatic.
POST-TRAUMATIC GROWTH
A final note is on post-traumatic growth. While these experiences can be debilitating in many ways, they can also produce growth in us that other experiences can’t. I mention this to in no way minimize or glorify the suffering we go through, but to help us remember that our minds, emotions, and faith can deepen through trauma, given that we allow ourselves to face the pain and do the work of healing.
SO HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN ADDITIONAL HELP IS NECESSARY?
Hopefully you’ve had community and support walking alongside you throughout this journey, but if any of the symptoms discussed above persist significantly beyond 4-6 weeks after a major event, then you’ll need some more focused care. This can be from a member care person, pastoral care, or a professional counselor. If you are experiencing any thoughts of suicide or your ability to function is severely impacted, then you’ll likely need to work with a counselor to help stabilize and help your brain and body begin to heal. Counselors can use a variety of types of therapy including EMDR, art therapy, movement, narrative therapy, and others to help your brain integrate this experience and find relief from your symptoms. And as always, if help is needed, we at Olive Tree would be honored to come alongside you to help in this process.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:
WEBINAR: RESPONDING TO TRAUMA with Janice Bauer, LPC
WEBINAR: DISASTER RESPONSE (OTCC Team) with a variety of helpful resource handouts at the end
Trauma and Resilience by Charlie and Frauke Schaefer
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
Facing Danger: A Guide Through Risk by Anna Hampton
